The concept
As a single woman on her quest to find her husband or allow him to find me, I know all too well the dating environment and how culture has evolved our perception of the meaning of dating and courting. Courting Vs. Dating, the Ugly Truth.
Depending on your culture and religion, that might be your first time learning the difference between the two. When you finish reading this post, you will completely understand the path you may want to choose.
Understanding Courting
If you have Netflix, I highly encourage you to watch Bridgeton! It gives a full explanation of courting while maintaining modern music and drama. The history of courting began in the United Kingdom. There was no dating; courting was the way to marriage, and anything outside of that ruined your status and family name.
Courting required persistence and adult supervision.
Once America formed, there were nuances but to avoid going down a rabit hole we will stick to the English norms since they are the original.
Courting is intentionally getting to know a woman, with marriage being the end goal.
Rules of courting:
- Men should always make the first move.
- Gender roles are prominent ( men should always pay)
- Courting ends in marriage
- The community is accountable and involved in the process
- Perception is important
- Status is a determining factor
Modern Dating
One of the biggest scams is modern dating for women who are intentional about being married. Modern dating does not have gender roles and is more causal in its approach; there is no direct end goal. Modern dating is like making the rules how you go. With advancements in technology, music, and media, popular culture has created new social norms in the dating phase.
Going with the flow can distract you from where you are meant to be
Modern dating can be a complex space, especially when you are a traditional woman with traditional values. Outside of the apparent Biblical piece of waiting until marriage, which is the most important, second to that would be including community.
Isolation is a dangerous place to be
In my last post, I talked about ten lessons to learn from a famous 52-part series titled ‘Who tf did I marry?’ The lessons I learned from ” Who tf did I marry” Faithfully Feminine
A brave black woman who goes by ReesaTeesa on TikTok less than seven days ago decided to use her testimonial on dating, marrying, and divorcing a pathological liar and surviving emotional abuse. She uploaded a 52-part series titled “ Who tf did I marry.”Read full story
Contrasting Key Differences
Courting
Intentions and goals: Marriage! The man is often leading, planning, and showing he can provide for his bride-to-be.
Level of Commitment: The commitment level in courting is high; the time spent getting to know each other is usually ongoing and consistent. It is not set in stone, but where there is a decline, both parties move on to getting to know someone else.
Role of family and community: Family involvement in courting is significant. The woman’s family may accompany her on dates. Dates are in public places where others can see the couple in the community.
Expectations and rituals: Both parties are expected to abstain from sexual immorality.
Dating
Intentions & goals: Are not defined in the beginning, the goal is whatever each party wants it to be.
Level of commitment: Low; modern dating does not have a distinct finish line. It has a flexible commitment level Based on off-personal boundaries and communication levels.
Dating is like collecting data and conducting job interviews.
Role of the family and community: The family is not actively involved
Pros and Cons
The advantages and disadvantages of courting:
- Pros: Deep emotional connection, strong foundation for marriage, family support.
- Cons: Lengthy process, limited pool of potential partners, cultural barriers.
The advantages and disadvantages of dating:
- Pros: Flexibility, variety of experiences, exploration of compatibility.
- Cons: Lack of commitment, potential for heartbreak, confusion about intentions, no vision, lack of Christian values
Finding the Right Approach for You
One of the best and worst things about culture is that it evolves. Dating culture is now heavily influenced by social media, music, and media entertainment. Luckily for you, we have each other. From one single woman to the next (PSST: You are single if you aren’t married), we have each other to lean on.
Dating and courting can be blended to fit your lifestyle. Just dating alone can be very dangerous, and although it does work for some people, it could be better. As a woman, protecting yourself from deception requires boundaries, discernment, and wisdom. In addition to things you cannot do alone, there is community.
When navigating dating, it is vital to communicate your values and follow them, even if that means losing the one you may like.
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