Perhaps one of my favorite characters in modern television, Charlotte from Sex in the City, is an elegant woman unafraid to challenge contemporary society’s acceptable standards.
This post delves into the ten things we can learn from Charlotte in the original Sex in the City, which aired on HBO in 2000.
Although the show was created in a different period, the friend group dynamics mimic many girl-friend groups today.
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Be comfortable in your feminity
Out of the crew, Charlotte was the “traditional woman” trope in a modernized show about women in their 20s navigating dating life in New York and being comfortable with their sexuality. Charlotte believes in traditional roles, and despite her reality of dating, she plays into her femininity.
For various reasons, we all have to balance masculine and feminine energy in life, but even her hobbies are feminine. For ideas on how to get started read 30 feminine hobbies to try for more feminine hobby ideas.
Charlotte, the damsel:
Charlotte nailed the damsel in distress role by being single, married, divorced, and married again. In every stage of her life, she would ensure she was open to help from everyone. Some women might think playing damsel in distress is a sad way of acting like they cannot do for themselves, but I see it differently. There is power in allowing men to feel a sense of accomplishment when helping you. When a healed man likes you, you will know because he will have a strong sense of wanting to fix things for you, literally anything. Men are naturally solution-driven. Charlotte’s character notices that and plays right into it.
Charlotte’s constant drive to nurture:
In her younger years, Charlotte did not know what to do with her yearning to nurture, so she dated men and wanted to fix them. Once she matured, she quickly shifted and nurtured her friends until she found the right man to become her husband. She understood that certain behaviors only lead to destruction when only focused on men.
Stand beside your values
Charlotte’s friends had different beliefs, values, and dating preferences/standards. All of them were more forward sexually than Charlotte was. It was as if the writers wanted to make Charlotte with a nostalgic mindset.
She was okay with being “old school.”
The best part is that she does not judge her friends for sleeping around and with strangers. She does not participate. When Samantha often shamed her, she redirected the insult or said some variation of what she was uncomfortable doing. Ultimately, she got everything she wanted before the show’s reboot. Standing beside your values will always allow you to win in the long run; it might take longer than you would have projected, but the price of not being firm might be a life you do not want to live.
Dress timeless
Oddly enough, some of her looks can be worn today. We all know that fashion recycles looks every 10 years or so, but if you were to look on pinterest for a mood board of Charlotte looks, they are classy and elegant. All of the women on the show had their sense of style. Charlotte’s style is fun! Just like her age in the show changes, so does her style. Some of the ladies, not so much. I believe everyone’s style should evolve as they mature.
Charlotte did not let her pregnancy stop her from serving looks! After wanting to conceive a child for quite some time, when she could, she embraced her miracle and did not let her changing body stop her from wearing stylish clothes.
Refrain from having a scarcity mindset.
A scarcity mindset will make you shrink and accept life’s worst. Charlotte knew she wanted to be a married housewife with children. As a single woman, she worked to support herself as an art gallery saleswoman, which one could argue can be a feminine job in itself. Like maybe you and I, if you have ever been a single woman, had many horrible dates and met questionable men. She did not let the bad experiences stop her from trying.
My favorite point is when she got married and experienced marital problems; she could have continued to stay if she kept thinking there was nothing else out there. She might have remained if Charlotte had let her single life experiences cloud her judgment. Once she got a divorce, she met Harry, and her end all be all.
Effective communication is key.
Out of the friend group, Samantha could have been a better communicator. Charlotte did struggle a bit with expressing herself in the earlier episodes. She wanted to be a people pleaser with men and was afraid to cause tension. Once she found her voice, boy, she was not afraid to use it. Charlotte often communicated with her dates and other men when they were not meeting her standards and no longer wanted to see them. Like many women, she does confide in her friends in particular situations during their weekly lunch catch-ups. Effective communication is more than just stating how you feel.
Effective communication often requires emotional intelligence. The ability to process, control, and react to situations and how they make you feel takes self-discipline. She does not always lash out in anger because she understands she is not well-received by friends and romantic partners.
Value all your relationships.
One of the best books I read in 2023 is “Loving Him Without Losing You.” You can find it in my books and journals on the Amazon storefront. Women are taught pretty young to put more energy into romantic relationships and are often scared by society that we do not have an identity outside of a man. Charlotte values all the relationships in her life; you do not see her blowing off her friends to hang out with a man.
The friends that you have while you are single are the ones that will be there through the tough times in your life. Blowing them off for what might be temporary is not wise.
There are a few moments in the show where the women disagree, which is not an active depiction of life. The writers purposefully did that, so we should focus more on dating trials. Whenever the women disagree, the matter is settled promptly. Charlotte is not in the drama, and when upset, she says exactly how she feels to her friend.
Self-respect never goes out of style
I know this might “look” different for everyone, but the reality is that when you value your body, you respect it. Like any expensive possession you might own, you care for it and do not throw it around. I am not saying she does not sleep with anyone nor makes mistakes, but she has self-respect.
Self-respect is not the agenda the show pushes; sleep with anyone and everyone because it is empowering. Self-respect is no longer allowing people access to you when they do not treat you how you should be treated, even if that is being alone for the night because of it.
Check out these books that changed my life for the better: ‘ That Girl ‘ Book List
Gentleness is a virtue.
Having a gentle spirit does not come naturally but is a fruit of the spirit God gives you. We are talking about a fictional TV character, but Charlotte is an example of a gentle soul. Gentleness is not being soft-spoken but having a welcoming spirit.
When Charlotte is married, she creates a gentle environment and demeanor for her husband to come to. The first husband must be more mature and emotionally intelligent to appreciate this. He does not create an environment for her to be soft and feminine, yet she still is, because that was her when she was single.
One of many reasons the marriage ended is that she is the same as Harry and confides in her. When he comes home from work, he meets a peaceful wife who allows her to express herself.
Some men joke about wanting peace but create hell-like environments; angels are not found in hell.
Celebrate others when it is their turn.
Clap for your friends and celebrate them even if something happens to them you have been waiting for. Understand that there is a season for you to receive everything you want. When Charlotte had issues conceiving, and Miranda had her baby with Steve, she was there celebrating her friend. Showing up for others is Christ-like and the basis of being a good friend/person.
You have a season in which you will be blessed with the things you want and are praying for; in the meantime, show up and pray for others. God will not forget your steadfast actions.
Need help showing up for others? Check out my episode on Envy vs. jealousy
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